went out like a punk, fanning myself and assuring everyone: "I'm okay!" So COME ON giant comet, evil aliens, or whatever else ya got. I'm not blinking. Due my chaotic and confusing existence, I find myself unable to sit silent, worried I might implode, like a star that has collapsed in on itself. (Though if I am a star, I am a misshapen one who gives off an eery glow rather than a radiant light)
Here's the rub: I am ANTI-BLOG. A younger and more arrogant version of myself reasoned the internet was already glutted with thousands of weblogs. Who was I to add this surplus? Not to mention, on a more personal note, I have never been able to separate my heart and emotions from what I read and write. A patina of my feelings is smeared across everything I produce. There was no way in hell I would set myself up to publish something humilating in a moment of melodramatic despair. But now I find myself faced with a dilemma: Writing or Implosion. Damn!
Don't get me wrong. I looked for more private alternatives. At first, I attempted to use my dissertation as an outlet. But strangely enough, my adviser believed short rants on film or the banality of existence out of place in a historical study of the influence of lived religion on vigilante actions. (Its not as boring as it sounds: plenty of violence and some hymn singing) He also frowned upon my penchant for adding graphic novel references or Coen brothers quotes to descriptions of hooded night riding. Why can't I refer to an "un-named detective" as "Batman"? Next, I tried a journal. I am a historian. (no, really, I am: ABD at Notre Dame) Let's do this old school! Yet, I found talking to myself did little to fix the issue. Then, for a little while, things floated along nicely. I decided I was no longer in danger of collapse. Still giving off light. No worries. But, of course, for anyone like me (an unstable disaster magnet), the minute you relax everything falls in the gutter. So I did what any real player would do: I turned my game board into a smoking whole in the map (yes, another Stross quote in case you're wondering). Now I am embarking on new territor and treading very carefully. Boldly going where I've never gone before.
Thus, with much reservation but no other alternative, I've broken down and created a weblog. Case Nightmare Green. Clear evidence that, obviously, the world soon will end.