|Maybe Radcliffe should try harder drugs|
|Who buys a child this fucked up doll?|
3.) Ideas For Tormenting Your Dinner Guests: The only scene I truly enjoyed during the movie centered around the characters of Sam and Mrs. Daily, played by Ciaran Hinds and Janet McTeer (both fine actors who are overshadowed by the Automaton). The Dailys lost their little son, Nicholas, to the Spiteful Bitch-tastic Ghost years prior. Since that time, Mrs. Daily has gone round the twist, referring to her dogs as "the twins", spoon feeding them at the dinner table, and rocking them to sleep each night (If you think this behavior is normal I suggest you see a psychiatrist immediately). As the Dailys, their Dogs, and Harry Potter sit down to dinner, Mrs Daily looks at Radcliffe and exclaims:
"Nicholas wants to draw you picture!" Then Janet McTeer picks up her knife and begins carving a hangman's noose on the dinner table. Personally, I believe, in the right circumstances, this behavior would be great fun. The next time I'm forced to go somewhere unpleasant I plan to fake a trance and carve up my host's furniture.
|These little darlings jump out the window in the opening scene|
|"Its scary because I can't move my face."|
a.) Suicide Is Good: When the narrative begins, Radcliffe's character, Arthur Kipps, has been mourning the death of his wife, whom he lost in childbirth, for four years. Kipps is, apparently, so depressed that his little son draws pictures of him frowning (yes this Tiny Child out acts Harry Potter as well). Rather than perking up and trying to parent his motherless son, in the end, the unhappy Kipps dies along with his child. Then the now Happy Duo merrily trot off to join his late wife, the Woman in White (how original) Everything is perfect again. What kind of fucked up moral is that?
b.) Ghost Sex and No Consequences: At the end of the movie, Radcliffe's late wife is greeted by her husband and dead four year old. Why are they dead, you ask? Because Radcliffe refused to hold the kid's hand while standing alongside train tracks. That's nothing less than child neglect. Yet, his wife is thrilled to see them. Why isn't she pissed? She perishes while giving birth and he spends the next four years moping around, ignoring their son, and finally allowing the youngster to get ran over by a train. The look on her face says: "We're gonna have the best ghost sex ever." I'd think she'd be saying: "You're in for a long dry spell buddy! What the fuck? You can't be bothered to hold onto his hand? That's too much to ask?"
c.) Once a Sadistic Bitch Always a Sadistic Bitch: The final problem with the Woman in Black is that the Ghost is not a sympathetic character. Yes, her son was taken away from her and then the child died, but her family, not the townspeople, caused this tragic situation. We've no idea why this Sadistic Woman eats children other than she just seems to get off on it and the villagers are too stupid to move away. From her Afterlife Behavior, I can only assume her family made the right decision in removing the child from her care no matter the outcome.
Conclusion: Go watch The Woman in Black if for no other reason than seeing is believing. No words can describe something that Amazingly Stupid. Oh, Daniel Radcliffe, we didn't know you were funny.