Sunday, March 18, 2012

Defeating the Silence: Hyperbole and a Half

"We have ruled your lives since your lives began.  You should kill us on sight.  But you will never remember.  We weren't even here.  Your will is ours!" ~The Silence

"This World is ours.  We have ruled it since the wheel and the fire.  We have no need of weapons." ~The Silence

Sometimes, I think the moments that count are the ones that happen when we are all alone, head down, and just trying to survive.  Obviously, its been a rough week.  Like any Rather Scarred and Emotionally Crippled Person, I react to hurt by running away and shutting down.  Oh, sure, before I Sprint into the Night, I remember to give some indication as to why I'm going but then I crawl into a corner, curl up in the fetal position, and make myself sick.  As I headed toward this weekend, everything felt wrecked.  I wanted desperately to talk with a person I care very much about, but I found no words.  Like Doctor Who, I watched in horror as the Silence Fell.  My own inability to speak or even try to communicate upset me. As the deafening quiet from without and within threatened to drown me, my fears and self loathing increased.

Then my brother, Jake, called tonight and told me to check out Hyperbole and a Half's comic strip on Depression. (Awesome by the way.  Have a look.)  As usual, I took his advice.  My brother's been my mainstay this week, assuaging my fears, coaxing me toward stability, and assuring me a tiff does not equal the end of anything.  Its just a moment in time, one that two people cope with and go on.  (Something I not only needed to hear, but also a hope I felt myself clinging to with both hands and all my heart)  As I scrolled through the weblog, I found myself delighted and laughing out loud.  And as I grinned and chuckled something happened.  I finally found words.  The silence within broke as quickly as it came.  Suddenly, I was aching to share my Fortuitous Discovery.  Oh, I won't say anything tonight.  In fact, I've no clue when I will put actions to the desire. (What?  Like you're never scared?)  But the desires there, a Little Flame that the Storm couldn't put out.  And there's comfort in that.  Hurts happen, whether accidental or otherwise.  But rather than viewing these events as an end, I think, those moments (Because the only way to avoid hurt is to never draw close.  And what amazing story might be left untold if we never took the risk?) should be viewed as an opportunity to bolster the structure of a relationship, making it stronger than it was before.  We heal and we remember that holding onto what happened isn't worth losing someone special.  And just maybe, the Girl Whose Waiting will eventually Defeat the Silence.

*When I was young, romantic, and lacked taste, I loved the movie FREQUENCY because I held onto the idea that no matter what things and people can heal.  Life can be what we'd hoped.  A recent rewatch caused me to conclude that the movies not that good but I still hold affection for a song by Garth Brooks (I know but I'm from Southern Indiana.  What do you expect?) taken from the film's soundtrack (Click Here).  Makes me think that people are both lost ships and lighthouses at the same time.  We just have to remember that so we come safely ashore rather than passing in the night.

1 comment:

  1. I'm struggling with a big big depression right now... It's not the first time you know? I'm kind of a perpetual depressed soul... Two years ago I was also deeply depressed and a friend of mine told me to visit Allie Brosh site Hyperbole and a Half, "laughter always helps" he said to me. I found the website amazingly funny, really helped me going out of my sadness, it actually inspired me to begin a new blog full with my thoughts and ideas of life and people... I followed Hyperbole and a half posts for months, but then I forgot to visit it for a long time... And just today, with this enormous sadness around and upon me, decided to return one more time to find some laughter, and actually didn't find a thing... Allie Brosh's last post (October 2011) talked about her dealing with depression (the one you mention) and then nothing... Allie's been missing since then... I searched and found some blogs that were concerned about Allie's health, and finally Allie's reappearing in Reddit forum where she explains her absence while struggling with a even worst depression than the one she talked us about in her blog. That made me felt even sadder, but it also made me think this: Allie Brosh actually saved me two years ago from falling deeper into desperation with her brilliant sense of humor... and this time, she's the one who needs help... Could I do something for her? So, right now I'm translating one of my posts that talks about recovering happiness into English (I'm mexican, so my blog's in Spanish -naturally-)and will send it to her... I think depression sucks, but it also makes us understand better some things, like other's sadness... I hope you are feeling better by now, really liked your blog, it's very interesting I'll follow it from now on. If you can read Spanish, I invite you to visit mine