Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Writ of Hocus Pocus: Miss Piggy and Moi

"Moi's hair has natural curls.  So does my tail."

"I plan to write more books whenever I can find the appropriate writing attire and color-coordinated pen."

"Express your feelings all the time unless you're trying to hide something."

Moi is having a Bad Day.  Moi is becoming Hysterical.  Moi must pull herself together pronto.  Thus, for the rest of this Suck-tastic Tuesday, I will summon the power and wisdom of Miss Piggy.  What?  An odd choice?  Not the American Action Hero you were expecting, my Darlings?  Well, sit down and listen up.  Miss Piggy is awesome: Self Confident, Well Dressed, Extremely Loving, and Bitch-tacular when necessary.  Plus, she has naturally curly hair, like Moi.  Furthermore, like My Muppet Heroine, "all my scenes are my own.  A double for Jennifer Nicole?  Impossible.  I am unique."  Okay, I'll be honest.  What that really means is that, just like Miss Piggy, my Emotions rule the Day.  Love, Fear, Anxiety all Pour Forth from Moi without the proper amount of regulation.  Unlike my Jim Hensen Created Role Model, however, recently, Moi has lost her Fire.  When Uncertainty Clouds my View rather than setting my jaw and fighting for my heart, tears stream down Moi's cheeks.  And yes, Moi's makeup is smudged today due to her Waterworks display this afternoon.  But, unfortunately, I cannot crawl home and go to sleep.  Nope.  Moi has responiblities.  Therefore, Moi is summoning the Greatness of Miss Piggy, herself: "I hereby Issue a Writ of Hocus Pocus".  Until the stroke of midnight, Moi shall be fabulous.

*Yes, Moi understands that she is misusing the word "Moi".  She does not give a Flying Fuck about French Grammar rules or the definition of the word.  Moi makes her OWN rules.

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