Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Don't Mess with My Board Games, Man

"No amount of Plum Puffs can cure a Mind Diseased and a World Crumbling into Tiny Pieces," but often Board Games help this Hysterical Historian keep it together.  For instance, this weekend my plan is to devote at least one evening to nothing but gaming.  A delicious Smorgasboard of Fun and Distraction. Om Nom Nom Nom. Only a Fool would mess with me at the moment. Of course, the Golden Dome is home to more than its fair share of Fools.  Thus, this evening One Moron learned the consequences of attempting to thwart my Master Plan. What happened, you ask?: a Sadistic Fucker held one of MY Games Hostage.  In response, I came out of my Corner like a Rabid Dog.  Listen, on a good day, I'd find the refusal to return my copy of Ascension Chronicle of the Godslayer and the Storm of Souls Expansion Pack grating and unacceptable.  But it hasn't been a good day, my Friends.  In fact, its been a Fucking Awful Three Weeks.  I'm hangin' on the edge, Man.  Thus, when that Bastard decided he wanted to dance, I said: "Let's go, Buddy".  No Waterworks.  My tears are reserved for the handful of people I care about and pray for on a regular basis.  Not Periphery People.  Not a Jackass who first attempted to withhold my Game of Thrones Dvd Set and then wouldn't hand back Ascension.  War.  All out WAR.  I kicked ass and reclaimed what was mine.  "When you play a game of thrones, you win or you die."

Fair Warning People: When Your Friends are Fucked Three Ways Toward the Weekend, its best not to Shove them on Over the Edge.  My minded is diseased, my world is crumbling into tiny pieces, so taking away my Runes or Meeples is a Suicide Mission. You're messing with Walter Sobchak now: "Do you SEE what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass, Larry?"  So go ahead.  Try to take away one of Games.  Go for it. "You think you got that horses for that?  Well, Good luck and God bless."  And you know what?  My life is falling all to hell so I think I'll buy another game this week.  Maybe Pandemic, I dunno.  Remember when life Gives you Sadness, Buy Board Games.

*If my Gaming Threats frightened you then allow me to offer a calmer but intriguing alternative.  Click Here.

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