Thursday, April 5, 2012

Revising Randy Paush: Eeyore's Perspective

“Good morning, Eeyore," said Pooh. 

"Good morning, Pooh Bear," said Eeyore gloomily. "If it is a good morning, which I doubt," said he. 

"Why, what's the matter?" 

"Nothing, Pooh Bear, nothing. We can't all, and some of us don't. That's all there is to it." 

"Can't all what?" said Pooh, rubbing his nose. 

"Gaiety. Song-and-dance. Here we go round the mulberry bush.” 

Being Crazy comes with a Few Perks, my Friends.  Insanity is a Full Time Position, Seven Days a Week, Twenty Four Hours a Day, Rain or Shine, the Crazed must Pack their Lunches, Punch their Time Cards, and Commit themselves to Lunacy.  Its a Thankless Job.  No one commends you for Incredible Feats of Irrationality.  No one stops to think how much effort being this crazy takes.  No Sirree.  Such an Existence transforms a Natural Born Tigger into an Eeyore.  In fact, this Former Bouncing Ball of Destructive Energy adopted an Calmer Perspective years ago.  Furthermore, despite what Randy Pausch suggested in his Last Lecture, in my opinion, Eeyore, not Tigger, Rocks the Hundred Acre Wood.  Need proof?  Sure you do!

“Bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy fun fun fun fun fun. The most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!” 

Tigger: Hello, Rabbit!  I'm Tigger.  T-I double Guh..
Rabbit: Please!  Please! Don't spell it!  Oh dear, will you just...just look at my beautiful garden!
Tigger: Yyyyyuck!  M-messy, isn't it?
Rabbit: Messy? Messy?  It's ruined!  It's ruined, Tigger!  Why won't you ever stop bouncing?
Tigger: Why?  That's what Tigger's do best! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

My Darlings, lets just take a quick look at Tigger's Dominant Personality Traits: Egocentric, Violent, Remorseless, Pathological Liar, Possesses a Grandoise Sense of Self Worth, and is Manipulative.  He's a Fucking Sociopath, People.  Now, why don't we take inventory of how this Jumping Tiger treats his Friends, the same individuals who feed him cake and invite him to parties.  Throughout the course of A.A. Milne's books, Tigger manages to Trample the Vegetable Garden Rabbit spent months laboriously growing (with no remorse.  see quote above), Terrifies Poor Piglet near to Death on Multiple Occasions, and Bounces Eeyore into a River (then covers up his crime).  Destruction of Private Property, Breaking and Entering, and an Attempted Homicide.  In fact, the ONLY animal Tigger treats well and desires to spend alone time with, is Roo, a child.  One can't hep but wonder: Is Tigger a Pedophile?  This Possible Pederast with Sociopathic Tendencies is Randy Pausch's Prototype for Shaping Well Balanced and Productive Human Beings?  Allow me to offer a better alternative.

"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing"
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore.  "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately."

“I might have known,” said Eeyore. “After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’. The Social Round. Always something going on.”

Eeyore is the best Character in the Hundred Acre Wood.  Despite being bounced into a River, this Donkey stays calm and politely floats down stream without much complaint.  Sure he might grumble a bit but that Sad Looking Fellow also attempts to find the brighter side of his most depressing days.  Might still be snowing but at least there hasn't been an earthquake, yet!  For a Crazy person, like myself, that is EXACTLY the mentality that sees ya through another day.  In all honesty, ever since I was a Little Girl, what I most loved about Silly Old Eeyore was that he seemed to be Gentle and Wise.  Never trampling anyone's garden, providing help whenever possible, and never uttering an contemptuous word.  If Americans want to mimic an A.A. Milne Character, perhaps Eeyore is the better choice.  

Please Note: Any long time Eeyore worth her salt must offer a Caveat to this Recommendation.  The Cold Hard Truth is that Our Gray Buddy is a Self Loathing Pessimist.  Years of experience has Taught this Neurotic Historian that a Negative Self Perception often leads to making mistaken judgments about other people's motivations.  While its nothing short of nauseating to assume that one's behavior is above reproach (i.e., a Tigger), its also dangerous to assume we know where another person is coming from.  Confession: When I really care about another person, this Eeyore assumes any hiccup in communication comes down to some sort of failure on her part.  If I had been better.  If I had been "enough".  If I had been something worthy then problems could have been avoided.  Not only is that perspective a recipe for a Depression Cocktail, it also demands I push the other person away.  Once Cocooned in Insecurity, My Vision Blurs.  I shut down.  In doing so, I commit a Great Injustice.  Do I really know what is going through another's mind?  Why a reaction happens?  If I hope to ever know than perhaps I should stop drawing my own conclusions.  Maybe, instead, I should pray for both of us, look beyond my own fears, and remember other people have feelings, fears, and personal histories too.  True enough that "we can't all, and some of us don't" have "Gaiety.  Song-and-dance.  Here we go round the mulberry bush."  But I think if One Eeyore cares about another than perhaps, she ought to remember hers are not the only Sorrows in the Hundred Acre Wood.

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