Monday, June 25, 2012

Advanced Darkness: Fears, Dreams, and Night Lights

People think dreams aren't real just because they aren't made of matter, of particles. Dreams are real. But they are made of viewpoints, of images, of memories and puns and lost hopes.” - Neil Gaiman

“I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.” ― A.A. Milne

“It is a very strange sensation to inexperience youth to feel itself quite alone the world, cut adrift from every connection, uncertain whether the port to which it is bound can be reached, and prevented by many impediments from returning to that it has quitted. The charm of adventure sweetens that sensation, the glow of pride warms it; but then the throb of fear disturbs it; and fear with me became predominant when half an hour elapsed, and still I was alone.” - Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre

 "And fear with me became predominant when half an hour elapsed, and still I was alone." For the past week or so, Yours Truly has been lost. Not my normal, "I couldn't find my way out of a brown paper bag," existence. More like watching the colors in my life drain away. Like Winnie the Pooh, "I know where I am," its that dark and murky place where no light shines through the shadows. No material how brilliant a hue, without light we see nothing. Unfortunately, I've been here before. The problem isn't the darkness itself. Everyone has cloudy moments No, my problem is one of degree and length. Like Spongebob, sometimes I experience: "ADVANCED DARKNESS". Now, that phrase has two meanings for me. One meaning is too personal and perhaps embarrassing to explain, the other has to do with outlook. During advanced darkness, not only does my world go black, but I've no hope of finding my way back to the light. My response to this experience is a fearful one. What if the colors never return? What if I find myself all alone in the black? Dreams and Nightmares are real, My Friends. Maybe more real than any other part of our existence. The cars we drive, the clothes we wear, the choices we make are all decided by our dreams and nightmares. Those intimate thoughts are the core of our being. That's why we protect them. We hide them from strangers. Shield them from harm. Because without our dreams what do we have left?: A colorless and meaningless existence. That's the real issue, advanced darkness robs me of hope therefore the ability to ream. What I need at the moment is nightlight but I suspect an ordinary nightlight won't do. I'm looking for special one. If you happen to come across something that fits this description (and don't already need it yourself), please let me know.

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