Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Letters From Oz: June Carter Cash and Cthulhu Monsters

Cthulhu is confused about how his happened as well
If anyone on the verge of action should judge himself according to the outcome, he would never begin.” (Søren Kierkegaard, FEAR AND TREMBLING) Every so often, this June Carter Cash Wannabe experiences severe anxiety...and, by "every so often", I almost mean on a daily basis. During the worst moments, either my Brother or friend, Maggie, paraphrases the quote above for me with a patient sigh: "YOU CANNOT SEE THE FUTURE". "Okay," I reply in a small voice, and then proceed to fret. Here's the deal: Most of my life, things never worked out the way I'd hoped.  And with that fact in mind, I quit hoping for things, focused on my career by day, and constructed an Impenetrable Doom Fortress of Solitude by night. I knew my brilliant plan was foolproof. Thus, for a time, I relaxed and walked around with a smirk on my smug face. Of course, if "pride cometh before a fall" than "smugness cometh before a break in". Yep, eventually, someone came along and rendered every Barbed Wire Fence, Set of Flaming Darts, and Cthulhu Monster I owned useless. It was a shock to the system. Seriously, people, once a Gal deploys her Demons, Dragons, and Monsters, she assumes no can reach her. Wrong. Now, here I sit, pondering how to proceed. To be honest, Faith, Hope, and Love, those little intangibles, are emotions I gave up a long time ago. Then, one day, outta NOWHERE, BAM!! They're back! Let me tell you, making room in my decor for them hasn't been easy. Lord knows, my life hasn't exactly provided me with a road map for such things. I know how to freeze someone out; smile when I want to cry; or pretend I don't care, but the opposite of those reactions are pretty foreign to me. Thus, in an effort to understand these new emotions I found a role model: June Carter Cash.

Here is what Johnny had to say about June: "What June did for me was post signs along the way, lift me up when I was weak, encourage me when I was discouraged, and love me when I felt alone and unlovable...She's always been there, and she's dependable, trustworthy, loyal, kind and cheerful." You know why I want to be those things? Because those are all things I long for myself. Hard Truth: Being a June, caring that way, means letting go of my own on baggage, remembering a bit of my old hopeful and confident outlook, and living in the moment. There is no Crystal Ball, no Signs, no Fortune Tellers. The good Lords knows I've prayed for those very things. Maybe that's the issue. Most people, me included, would prefer to flip to the final chapter of their story and read the ending before finishing their narrative. But that's not how life works, and you know what? Even if the final sentence in the final chapter of your book is exactly what you hoped for, at the moment, you're still in the middle. Who you will be at the end of the story is still being decided. You can search for Rudy Red Slippers, Click your Heels, and Head back to Kansas OR You can Take a Deep Breathe, Find Your Role Model, and Finish Your Journey in Oz. Personally, this Dorothy plans to find out what happens in Oz.

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