Friday, September 7, 2012

The Status of My Lemons

"When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago" (Friedrich Nietzsche). Okay, fine!  I'll admit it.   At this very moment, I am sitting in Soma having something in between a panic attack and a pity party.   Oh, dear Lord, what fresh hell awaits me?  Rational Jennifer exited the building about an hour ago, and Bat Shit Crazy Jennifer has been running the freak show inside my head ever since.  Uh huh,  right now, I am a veritable Thomas Hardy (19th century author and poet), full of pessimism and woe: Happiness, my Pretties, "is but a mere episode in the general drama of pain" that is life.   Or, in other words, if you're okay right now, just wait a minute and a boulder will descend from the sky to flatten you and your puny dreams. Muahahahhahaa.  

Aren't I a pleasure to be around?  Oh, that's okay.  Go ahead and say it.  I know I'm not.  This Gal is being a whiny little brat.  The Good News here is that even as I type my negative rant, deep down, I don't believe a word of it.  Sure, it's true that I am  "so tired I can barely wiggle," (of course, I sure can worry).  And its true that my life, up to this point, resembles a 19th century Gothic novel.  (And if you doubt me on that, I have witnesses and references.  So back off, Man!   I'm a historian!)  Having stated all that for the record, I think, maybe, that being this pessimistic is not only misguided, but, also, unfair.  Yeah, up to now life has consistently served me up rotten lemons unsuitable for beverage production, but, maybe, at this very moment, I am blessed with delicious ripened fruit, perfect for making delectable desserts of all varieties.  Maybe the people in my life right now aren't like the ones I've known before.  Maybe all my worry, is not only a lack of faith in God, it's a lack of faith in them. 

*To the Sweet Lemons (yes, that's a term of endearment.  It is because I said so.) of my life, sorry you got stuck with such a rotten, whiny piece of fruit.

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