Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Wonder Woman versus The Glass Glass Lady

"Hey, you created me!  I didn't create some alter-ego loser to make myself feel better.  Take some responsibility!" Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

Fact: Shy girls make poor waitresses.  

Fact: Nature intended this introverted, geek-tastic gal to become a librarian..or, a hermit.  Unfortunately for me, my socioeconomic status prevented that future.  Thus, surviving my first job as a waitress required me to endure no less than two months of nausea, break copious amounts of flatware, and eventually don an alter-ego.  What I learned from that experience is that secret identities, not mention leather whips and tights, turn mild mannered girls into Wonder Women when necessary.  If you need proof look to the story below. 
(Please Note: The real names of the individuals in this episode have been changed to protect the innocent)

Customers come in all shapes and sizes, my Friends, and most fail to leave a long lasting impression.  Those who prove the exception to that rule, tend to make a bad one, and, such was the case with the Glass Glass Lady of Vincennes, Indiana (her nickname came from her demand to have her water and coffee served in a bar glasses, or, as she termed it, a "glass glasses").

Now, the Glass Glass Lady, an older woman around the age of sixty, always demanded seating in the front of the restaurant and, always, ate alone.  Hold on.  Stop feeling sorry for her.  I can't believe you are taking her side.  Sometimes, not all the time of course, people eat alone because they're mean.  Anyway...  Once seated, GG would sit, like a spider, waiting to catch her next unwitting victim in her web of personal ailments, snide remarks, biting insults, and absurd requests.

Now, you think I'm being unkind.  I know you do so I will give you a typical Glass Glass Lady request: (Please, keep in mind, Brayten's served pre-mixed lettuce that included cabbage and GG ordered a side salad and made the request below every single Friday night for at least a year.)

GG: I cannot eat the cabbage in that salad so I need you to pick it all out by hand.  Do not bring me out any of the cabbage.

Server: (who is bewildered) I'm not sure we can do's pre-mixed.

GG: I want a salad and I do not want the cabbage.  Simply pick it out by hand.

Listen, Folks, these sorts of petty and ridiculous requests might have been taken with a bit more consideration if GG had ever tipped any of us above fifty cents.  Here is fair warning, my Friends, if you're gonna throw a waitress, who makes $2.15 per hour, two quarters once a week then expect that equivalent in service.  Now bearing all this mind, one packed Friday night, GG and I finally came to blows.  In an act of goodwill, I had broken the restaurant's policy and taken the Glass Glass Lady's check to the counter for her because she had informed me the trip would tax her too greatly.  After wasting precious minutes cashing out her bill at the hostess station, I hurried to get to my paying customers.  As I did so, I dropped off GG's receipt and change, and rushed off only to have Ms. Glass Glass haul my ass back toward her.

GG: You shorted me a nickel.

Me: I gave you all the change the hostess handed me.

GG: I saw you drop my nickel. Now, go look for it.

<Insert long awkward pause in which I stare at GG like she's insane>

GG: I'm not being ridiculous.  You dropped my nickel and I have bills to pay.

Me: <Reaching into my apron, grabbing a dime, and tossing it on the table>: Keep the change.  Maybe you'll be able to pay your bills now.

From that moment on, GG never attempted to mess with me again.  In fact, much to my pleasure, she requested a different waitress.  The lesson here: Watch out for servers, my Friends.  We handle your food and your credit cards!  And to my Shy Gal Pals, never forget that you're inner Wonder Woman is just below the surface.

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