Sunday, November 18, 2012

Second Confession of the Night

Second Confession of the Evening: I am frightened.  Yeah, yeah.  No shit, right?  Only a truly terrified person cancels all her birthdays until the end of time...or the end of her whichever comes first.  My brother says there's no reason to be scared.  That I make up the worst scenarios in my head.  That there's no evidence to support my fears.  Evidence. <Sigh>  Manipulating evidence in order to make an argument is part of my job, and I'm nothing if not imaginative.  And I'm afraid the same overactive imagination that helps me tie together historical tidbits also gets in trouble when it comes to day to day life.  Loving other people.  Being vulnerable.  Having hope.  In my experience, those things come with some pretty hefty repercussions.  The evidence is all there.  This is gonna hurt.  Maybe its why I don't want to have a birthday.  I'm just scared.

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