― Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
My mind shut down like a clam. Yep, been there. In fact, I AM there. Today, I am needy, whiney, and insecure. In case you're not self aware, those are bad traits. Perhaps not unforgivable, but definitely insufferable. But what can ya do? I tried reading, but, like Plath, that was a no go. Then I tried thinking rationally and concluded: The future looks pretty grim, so why bother? Now, I'm blogging and searching for the simplest form of distraction. Because here's the truth: I might understand on a rational level that I have to first believe myself worthy of being loved before I can receive the affection I'm wanting, but, then again, I'm kinda of a wreck. Tedious beyond belief. In fact, I am so insecure that I keep considering apologizing for my neediness. No one likes that sort of pressure. I need to be better. I need to be stronger. I need to be my person. I need to obsess and worry less. I need to be the old Jennifer. Its hard to imagining fixing all my issues and what if I can't have the things or love I'm hoping for if I don't? I'm scared, Guys. My mind's shut down like a clam.