Monday, February 4, 2013

You Forgave and I Won't Forget

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
And I'll kneel down 
Know my ground

And I will wait, I will wait for you
And I will wait, I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
You forgave and I won't forget

Waiting has never been one of my suits.  No, seriously, Guys, whether in love, friendship, work, or recreation, Yours Truly tends to skip the logical steps that lead to her desires.  My rationale is somewhat skewed.  Why have coffee if we could go to Comic Con?  Tomorrow I will be the Greatest Historian Who Ever Lived.  Yeah, it doesn't make sense.  I know.  Although, I guess that's part of being both Bipolar I and OCD.  Don't get wrong here.  Those disorders are not an excuse to be unrealistic in life and love.  No, it simply means I have to work a little harder to be balanced.  Make room for input from others.  Try to stay calm.  Remember that waiting isn't always a bad thing.  Because here's my fear, I suppose: What if I wait (hope and let my heart trust in someone) and in the interim everything falls apart?  What if I'm blindsided?  In hopes of avoiding that awful outcome, I run toward a conclusion because I am sure, in the end, everything will fall apart.  Its a self fulfilling prophecy.  Rather than give things time to grow, I race ahead and prove it would never have worked.  But you know what?  This past year, I've seen the people I love most forgive a lot of crazy shit.  Stream of consciousness emails.  Hysterics. Inappropriate behavior. (Oh nothing to wild.  Don't get your shorts in bunch)  They stuck around anyway.  And so this time, despite, my negative mental scripts and fear of being devastated again, "I will kneel down and wait for now...You forgave and I won't forget."

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