Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Drowning in the Silence


“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.”
― Robert Louis StevensonVirginibus Puerisque and Other Papers
How did I become so obnoxious?  What is it with you that makes me act like this?  I've never been this nasty.  Can't you tell this is all just a contests?  The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest.  But baby I don't mean it, I mean it, I promise. ~Pink, "Please Don't Leave Me."
In the midst of painful silences, I think we project our worst fears onto a situation, and in doing so, we become the worst versions of ourselves.  Unlovable.  Gullible.  All the Nasty -Ibles and -Ables really.  Personally, before I can fall silent, I give one last ditch effort to hold on tight and pray things will turn around.  Thus far, no dice.  And, now, as the quiet covers the distance, I swing from wishing I were something more, something better, someone worthy of the love I want to preparing insults, ugly words and unkind thoughts, my protective armor.  Because saying "Please don't leave me" is simply not an option.  (Begging earns you nothing but pity; never do it)  We either draft that psycho email; send that crazy text; make that ugly call.  Or like me, drown in the silence listening only to the lies.    

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