Monday, June 17, 2013

Wounds: Distance and Grace

“I hurt myself deeply, though at the time I had no idea how deeply. I should have learned many things from that experience, but when I look back on it, all I gained was one single, undeniable fact. That ultimately I am a person who can do evil. I never consciously tried to hurt anyone, yet good intentions notwithstanding, when necessity demanded, I could become completely self-centred, even cruel. I was the kind of person who could, using some plausible excuse, inflict on a person I cared for a wound that would never heal.”
― Haruki MurakamiSouth of the Border, West of the Sun
Healing is never easy.  As you nurse a wound, you wonder: Did he mean to inflict this type of damage?  Does he even care?  The answer you find in the silence is no on both counts.  You are blip on his radar and, while, your day is full of hiccups and pitfalls, his goes without a thought to you.  How did it happen?  When did it happen?  There was a time when he never made it onto your radar either.  And do these questions even matter?  My answer: Probably not.  The best thing you can hope for is distance and grace.  Distance because with it comes a form of indifference and grace because the last thing you want is distance. 

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