Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Freedom from Case Nightmare Green

Slowly but surely I am heading into a new phase of my life: The meds are working.  I am healing.  The extra weight is coming off. (Fun Fact: With each Bipolar Episode, Carrie Fisher's (i.e., Princess Leia) weight balloons up and then falls backs off, a phenomenon I am beginning to understand)  The heartbreak is easing.  I am becoming whole again.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I am still OCD.  I still have my swinging moments, going up and then down again so fast I think I might vomit.  And yeah, he remains my own personal Boogeyman, but, even that aspect of my life is calming down.  Because I know he's the Boogeyman and there's power in that realization.  So much has been changing for me.  When I started this blog I was at the beginning of a terrible Depressive Episode, heartsick for someone that hurt me terribly, and a general mess, but I am not that person anymore.  And, lately, I am wondering how much longer this blog will last.  I am not ready to give it up yet.  Yours Truly isn't quite healthy enough for that, but, I think, in the not so distant future I will be ready to give birth to something new, and let Case Nightmare Green become a painful but distant memory.  Because here's the deal: Everything I've written on here, about him, about me, about mental illness, its all true.  And I meant every word of it, the kind ones, the lovesick ones, the crazy ones, and the angry rants, but, now, I want to leave so much of that behind.  So for now, Case Nightmare Green goes on, but only with the knowledge that in time a new blog will be born, one that's still bipolar, but free of the nightmares.

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