Saturday, November 9, 2013

Questioning

"I have had a manic-depressive illness, also known as a bipolar disorder since I was eighteen years old.  It is an illness that ensures that those who have it will experience a frightening, chaotic, and emotional ride.  It is not a gentle or easy disease." ~Kay Refield Jamison  Discovering, Diagnosing, and Treating my Bipolar Disorder has disrupted every aspect of my life.  As if its not enough that I take four medications every single stinkin' day while attempting to not feel like a "sick" person, I also have to question the legitimacy of my emotions and actions.  Am I feeling confident because I am well or become I am hypomanic?  Do I think of my Him because I still care or am I simply OCD?  Am I scared because my life is falling apart or is the anxiety problems?  I don't know.  I do know I'm terrified that the illness will overshadow who I am..and perhaps afraid the illness is who I've always been.

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