Saturday, February 15, 2014

Limbo

Well, I've made it to mid-February.  I'm not sure what that means. Is there some sort of medal for making it a month and a half into the new year?  Doubt it. What's odd about this particular February is that while I become more cavalier in my job hunt living options, I've simultaneously become more cautious in my relationships.  Right now, I refuse to see anyone because I'm leaving South Bend.  Why bother?  Right?  Right.  And then, of course, after I move, I'll need a few months to adjust to a new space.  That's just common sense.  Can't have too many irons in the fire.  And then what if I need a dog? (A Great Pyrenees because little dogs suck.  That's not completely fair but then again His Awfulness's Hippo posted pictures of herself cramming a small dog down her bra so I've been scarred, People.  That's gotta be animal abuse.  I should have known then and there if he could go for that we'd never work.  I still shudder at the thought...and my friend Adam has never quite forgiven me for showing him the image)  The truth is I'm still hurt.  Still scarred.  Because you know what?  I picked what I believed to be the safest fish in the sea...of course, I was mentally ill at the time, later reflections and advise would suggest otherwise, and still got majorly burned.  I think I could deal with it all a little better if Mr. Insecurity would have ever bothered to show a little remorse.  Be a human.  Say: "Hey, I didn't handle this well.  I'm sorry you got hurt."  But even my therapist has said he's got the maturity level of a ten year old so I'm not holding my breathe.  I've just got to ride out whatever damage was done.  Cry when I need to and hope that at some point neither him nor his animal abusing weirdo cross my mind again.

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