Saturday, February 15, 2014
Well, I've made it to mid-February. I'm not sure what that means. Is there some sort of medal for making it a month and a half into the new year? Doubt it. What's odd about this particular February is that while I become more cavalier in my job hunt living options, I've simultaneously become more cautious in my relationships. Right now, I refuse to see anyone because I'm leaving South Bend. Why bother? Right? Right. And then, of course, after I move, I'll need a few months to adjust to a new space. That's just common sense. Can't have too many irons in the fire. And then what if I need a dog? (A Great Pyrenees because little dogs suck. That's not completely fair but then again His Awfulness's Hippo posted pictures of herself cramming a small dog down her bra so I've been scarred, People. That's gotta be animal abuse. I should have known then and there if he could go for that we'd never work. I still shudder at the thought...and my friend Adam has never quite forgiven me for showing him the image) The truth is I'm still hurt. Still scarred. Because you know what? I picked what I believed to be the safest fish in the sea...of course, I was mentally ill at the time, later reflections and advise would suggest otherwise, and still got majorly burned. I think I could deal with it all a little better if Mr. Insecurity would have ever bothered to show a little remorse. Be a human. Say: "Hey, I didn't handle this well. I'm sorry you got hurt." But even my therapist has said he's got the maturity level of a ten year old so I'm not holding my breathe. I've just got to ride out whatever damage was done. Cry when I need to and hope that at some point neither him nor his animal abusing weirdo cross my mind again.