Friday, April 11, 2014

Things That Will Destroy Me

"I desire the things that will destroy me in the end." ~Sylvia Plath  For the past week and half, I've struggled with feeling empty and tired.   I want to feel good again.   To fly high.  To Soar.  The sick part is, while I don't miss being sick, I miss a relationship that aggravated my illness.  That little high I'd get when I found his name bolded in my inbox.  The way nothing else seemed to matter.  For a few moments, my cares fell away.  Not that he ever said anything meaningful.  That would taken balls.  But there was something about the staccato beat of my heart as I clicked on the message that I miss.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I know why I miss it.  Its called avoidance coping.  Let's fixate on something harmful that I know my way around rather than dealing with the painful realities of now. You see, I'm under extreme stress to find a job and fast.  I've no clue where my livelihood is coming from and no net, outside of God, to fall back on.  So here I am "on the raggedy edge.  Don't push me and I won't push you."

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