"I desire the things that will destroy me in the end." ~Sylvia Plath For the past week and half, I've struggled with feeling empty and tired. I want to feel good again. To fly high. To Soar. The sick part is, while I don't miss being sick, I miss a relationship that aggravated my illness. That little high I'd get when I found his name bolded in my inbox. The way nothing else seemed to matter. For a few moments, my cares fell away. Not that he ever said anything meaningful. That would taken balls. But there was something about the staccato beat of my heart as I clicked on the message that I miss. Now, don't get me wrong. I know why I miss it. Its called avoidance coping. Let's fixate on something harmful that I know my way around rather than dealing with the painful realities of now. You see, I'm under extreme stress to find a job and fast. I've no clue where my livelihood is coming from and no net, outside of God, to fall back on. So here I am "on the raggedy edge. Don't push me and I won't push you."